I finally signed up for counselling

So I did it! I finally signed up for counselling. While people seem to tell me not to talk about it, I decided to journal it on the internet for the whole world to see. That’s the rebellious me telling you “Screw the world, I am now going to do what I want to do.”

Why did I decide to do it? I’m at a major crossroad in my life. I’ve been really struggling with a few pretty key decisions in my life and I can’t wrap my head around it. I have realised that I have jumbled everybody else’s wants with what I want, my investors, my family’s, my boyfriend’s, and my team’s. As a result, I’m at a complete deadlock. I have slept over it, I drunk over it, I talked about it and I talked and talked and talked and nothing is decided and nothing has moved.

The last straw for me, was when I started saying things like “If I die, will you scatter my ashes?” This scares me. Up until 6 months ago, I was a defiant, confident, focused person. I knew exactly what I want and I knew what needs to be done and trust me, I can work. I work 7 days a week 14 hours per day but around 3 months ago, I started waking up later, I started sleeping in, binge watching Netflix. Initially I thought it’s ok to procrastinate a little, it’s just the brains way to cope with my stress. It will blow over and I’ll be my usual self again but one week became one month, and one month became three months. At this rate, maybe I will lose my startup.

So in desperate attempt, I decided to see a shrink.

What are my goals? I guess, I want to overcome this feeling that I’m so overwhelmed. I want to be able to make decisions with a clear head. I want to move forward in my life. I want to be happy again.

I know this is going to be a process. It’s going to take months to declutter, compartmentalise and unfold all the issues and baggages but I am ready for it. I hope truly that I will come out of this a stronger and better person than before.

Sincerely, Yuhwen