My Startup Journey And Its Negative Impact On My Health

I never really had much stress or worries whatsoever as a child at least in the work (study) category. When studying for big exams, I would be so well planned no matter the size of the exam that I rarely go more than a night without sleep. I may stay up late to cramp it all in but would crash knowing I did well for the exam the following night. 🤪 I was competitive. I was always confident for all my exams.

But adulting is different. As the stakes got bigger, I can see my health falling apart because of stress.

I guess the first two years of running my startup were still a fairly low risk endeavor (it’s ok to fail in year 1) and there were fewer stakeholders (fewer employees, one investor, fewer customers). If I had failed it would just mean I could dust it off and move on. But I saw the first signs of my body adapting to these new stresses in my life. I didn’t menstruate 6 months consecutively the first year of SushiVid. I enjoyed the convenience but I was certainly not thrilled to menopause at 30. I got started on hormonal pills and re-regulated my menses. I didn’t think much of it, I was pumped every day, I was happy with what I’m accomplishing, our team camaraderie was strong, we were killing it. What’s a little no period for a while?

In my second year, I got more aggressive. I was excited to expand my business entrusting it to my founding team. We got into 2 accelerators (running simultaneously), I was flying between Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia to business develop while attending classes and making contacts at the accelerator programs. My health wasn’t doing too great though. I had severe back pains I had to go to the chiropractor once every 3 weeks. I still didn’t think of it as stress, I just thought maybe it’s time to change the mattress and maybe I should invest in better hotels with better beds at this point. It’s still a fair point, sleep is so important – do get a better hotel whenever possible.

2017 was so much fun! I got into the executive Stanford program. I’m going to Stanford for 2 weeks! Finally, I am going to get to go back to California after 8 years! The business was growing 4X at this point in terms of revenue, we were running at high speed! Speaking engagements, evening drinks, meeting new customers, things were going great on the outside but I started to have issues in the mornings. I could not open my mouth. I had to see a maxillofacial surgeon and a dentist and a beautician in order to fix my jaw. Though this doesn’t seem like a sleeping disorder, it was in fact the first appearance of it. I’m so stressed out while sleeping I’m grinding my teeth aggressively causing a sprain to my right jaw. A mouth guard, a month of anti-depressants, bi-annual botox sessions later, I solved my sprained jaw.

I never let my health stop me. I am the same me running about town jumping at any opportunity people threw at me. Around this time (2018), I was also flying China and HK trying to figure out more about e-sports and live streaming. Since I could no longer grind my teeth to sleep (botox softens the muscles and it has no strength to bite), my body resorts to other means to disrupt my sleep. I was so excited to work. I thought I was having great sleep too. I would fall asleep in 5 minutes but stay in shallow sleep all night, which is great! I could even wake up to write notes and go right back to sleep. I was cheating time! If you watched Dr. Strange, I felt just like that. While I was asleep, my spirit would be awake pouring over books and data. I would do that via audiobooks listening to heavy books while falling asleep. This was awesome. My life was optimized to the dot. I have my days planned to the last 30 minutes barely ever breaking my routine.

I didn’t know then, this was called stress. I didn’t feel stress, I felt happy all along, I wasn’t upset when meeting people, I wasn’t at all falling asleep behind the wheel, I was alert all the time and constantly on the move. I remember Sept 2019, I was in Hangzhou for Alibaba live streaming, Oct 2019 I was back and setting up live streaming team, In Nov 2019, I went to a dragon boat race with some friends and in Dec 2019, I went to U2 concert with friends in Singapore. I worked weekdays and played weekends and was absolutely on the roll! Who doesn’t want to be a founder? It’s such a fun-filled life!

As I entered the new decade, 2020. I spent my first days in the hospital recovering from a series of severe asthma attacks. I was already sick around Oct 2019 but that didn’t stop me. It also didn’t warn me to slow down. I just kept going! It was my GP who told me I should be admitted TODAY. I didn’t even think I was going to be admitted when she told me to go and see a lung surgeon I was shocked when she commanded me to do so. My mother was in HK and my sisters are not in Malaysia then. My (now) investor was visiting from the US to find out more about SushiVid, and I’m about to tell him, I need to be admitted and can’t take him out to play?

Things got under control (with 2-hour nebulizers), Xanax, steroids. It was an awesome hospital stay, friends came to visit every hour. I felt like I was having meetings come to me at the hospital, it was great! My doctor came in one day and told me, you need to rest. You need to stop the visits. It still didn’t quite sink in. I was not breathing normally and yet I am still running like nothing was happening! I had a serious talk with my doctors. They told me if I didn’t find a way to manage my stress, the breathing will not normalize. They told me my lifestyle is too stressful for my body. I need to slow down. Slow down? WHY? I love my life!

The asthma attacks didn’t go away for 9 months. I had to change two lung surgeons, two ENT surgeons, and thick in the COVID19 pandemic, I was running in and out of hospitals. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me at all. At one point, I broke down and considered quitting. I mean, I NEVER considered quitting. I was happy, I was passionate about my life, I was full of life! Why do I have to quit what I love? But the body wasn’t in the same frequency as my soul. I was a vibrant young woman who runs half marathons and loves extreme sports. This is not me. This defeated, sickly victim is not the girl my mom raised me to be.

Sometime in June 2021, I even told my sisters I am not sure if I would wake up when I go to sleep because I couldn’t breathe. I feel like I’m drowning, always taking just half a breath. When I saw my investor around then, he had a worried look on his face. He told me I look so haggard and drained I needed to see a Chinese sensei.

My body was like a leaking pail of water and I’m plugging up the holes left right-center to stop the leakage but fundamentally, the underlying issue (stress) wasn’t resolved. I really had to have a huge change of heart. Repentance and a change of my entire outlook on life before I saw my body recover. I lost 10% of my weight, and 30% of my hair on my head thanks to all the medications I’ve been having. I’m still on the road to recovery.

This is what I found helpful.

Listening to Sermons at night instead of Gary Vee

It helps to be reminded constantly that God is in charge and I need not worry. While Gary is great, he’s not good for sleeping because “sleeping is for the weak” wake up and work now!

I do think 20,000 steps ahead and have a game plan for every step. I do that not only on the macro level but micro level as well. I understand the details of every department, dissect them and build them. I also know what’s happening in the market, with my competitors, my ex-staffs, and whatnot. This is not healthy. It’s like I was carrying excessive baggage constantly in my mind. I just need to run my own race and this detox was necessary.

As I start to meditate on God’s word, and to build on my faith, my sleep got better and I felt so much more peace. Thank you Jesus for looking out for me and guiding me back to you.

Social Media Detox

This was one of the best things I’ve done for myself. Some information is just not worth knowing. Social media detox was the best way to stop inputting new “useless” information. I stayed away from social media for 2 months and got my sanity back.

Reading A Variety of Books

I read a lot of books, and for the most part reading books are not a form of relaxation for me. It is my time to acquire knowledge so while I’m reading on weekends, I’m working! Pouring over words of wisdom from people such as Bill Campbell and trying to follow in the footsteps of great entrepreneurs from Steve Jobs to Robert Kuok, every book inspires me to work harder and not rest more. I recently picked up a different kind of book, the last book I was reading is Richard Feynman’s Collection of speeches and writings. The Pleasure of Finding Things Out. It’s refreshing to be reading something not startup-y.

Listening to Music

I notice music (instrumental or with words I don’t understand i.e. Afrikaan or something else) helps me to focus. I’m not trying to understand the music but I’m just tuning out parts of my brain and not letting it wander too much while stimulating it with nice sounds and beats. It’s quite interesting. I am now able to numb parts of the brain from thinking while activating the other parts of the brain that’s required for creativity.

REST

Sometimes the most important thing we need to do is to rest. This is the most underrated tip. I admit I don’t rest enough. I am still struggling to find time for more of this. Juggling work, family, relationships, friends, fitness, health, hobbies, personal growth, and food. How is 24 hours ever going to be enough especially when I’m running a startup? I’ve shaved all the things from my goal list that I deem not necessary or less necessary. Still! 24 hours is not enough. In a way, this COVID19 period really helped me to reprioritize my life to just things that truly matter. Silver linings I guess.

I hope you found my article to be helpful. Do leave me any feedback so I may improve.

God Bless You.