What are friends? What does it mean to be friends?

I met my host sister Lucia a few months ago in Vigo and we got to talking about friendship and I realised that I have used the term “friends” too broadly. She on the other hand, made very clear that she has “X number of friends”. Even classmates whom she has studied with for years together, she would consider them to be “not friends” which in my definition are all “friends”. That night, I got to categorising my friends and now I feel I have a better grasps of the types of “friends” I have.

I have friends I hang out with weekly to play board games with, to go hiking with—I guess these are activity friends, and these are friends who are my community, people I count on if my car breaks down in the middle of the road. To some extent, these are friends I’ll likely grow old with. These are friends we would go on holidays with. I like to call these my “rest-together” friends.

I also have friends I meet only once in a while, friends from my past while I was studying abroad, friends I spent an immense amount of time with for a few months or years, and then we part ways. While I don’t see them often, when I do, I feel deep connections, and even if it is just for a short while, it feels familiar. Much like the first category, these are friends we would bring our family to meet as well.

Then I also have friends with a common purpose, friends from an association, a club that I participate in—these are people I rarely talk personal things with, but just friends that I meet and we do stuff for a cause we share together. Through time, there is a higher level of trust and credibility because we work well together, but we’re not close enough to bring our families together.

And finally, I have friends from the industry I work in, much like friends with a common purpose, but for this, it is about personal growth. We make money together, we grow our businesses together. Usually, these friendships come with some mentor-mentee type relationship. I am a mentee to some, and I’m a mentor to some. It’s how knowledge gets passed down with time. These friends keep us accountable. They keep us in check so that we do not stray from our purpose. I’d consider my closest colleagues in this category.

Many people would have friends in the first two categories, but it is harder to find friends in the other categories. Joining a club or association takes time and effort. It is also a thankless job and is full of politics. Making time for that and prioritizing that over time with family, me time or leisure time is sometimes hard to justify.

In the last category, I assure you this was HARD to come by. I am so blessed with great mentors who do it genuinely without asking for anything in return or at least they have not cashed in on their favour. So who knows? Why do I say this is hard? Someone who is willing to mentor is a rare. It is a calling, and if you don’t feel it, you won’t be a mentor for anyone. A female founder getting older male friends (mentors are always older) can sometimes generate rumours. On the other hand, a female founder getting female mentors, that’s HARD. I haven’t had much luck in this category. Somehow, older female tend to be hostile to younger female. Probably because we’re just lazy or maybe there’s a hint of insecurity. P.S. I can say this now because I’m thirty AF and I am in that older female category.

Final Point. There is also another type of friend that would suck up all the world’s negativity from you so that you can stay sane. The type of friend that will never leave you, will wait for you everyday and love you unconditionally. This is the one friend I look forward to have one in my home soon. A puppy!